wrestling with worry

I've never considered myself much of a worrier. However, lately I've been struggling with worries that a few certain things will never happen in my life and that others things that I don't care to ever deal with will come knocking. I know I'm being quite cryptic here, but the point is that I've let worry creep in where faith should reign.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

One verse puts things all into perspective. There's no use in worrying- I can't make things happen or not happen not compared to God. And why even worry I fully know that being the faithful and steadfastly loving God that He is, God will give me the desires of my heart, all in good time, all in His time. So I'm going to try to let go and live. Live the abundant life He wants to give and stop asking when or how.. because somewhere along the way, my dreams will find me.

Isn't His love the best?

i see it in the sky

For the past week and a half I've been praying for God to give me his eyes to see what the future holds. Looking towards May, I feel like I'm being dropped by Baylor in the middle of a giant field at which point they're going to tell me "go."

Go where?

Do what?

That's up to me to figure out.

So, I've been praying. And not that I expected a James Earl Jonesish voice to call out while I walk to class but, I have to admit that I've kind of been nothing but frustrated. It may not be true, but it feels like everywhere around me, people's plans for the ever after beyond graduation are beginning to take form. And then there's me.

In the middle of the field.

Unsure and uncomfortable.

Yesterday when I woke up, the new familiar feeling of frustration was still there, but while getting ready I realized something. If you know much about me, you probably know that I love sunsets. I gawk at them, coo about them, and probably drive people crazy with my pictures. Nonetheless, they are a way that God speaks to me and shows me a glimpse of his true beauty.

What I realized yesterday morning was that for the past week, Waco has experienced a series of incredible sunsets. Every night, wherever I've been, I've rushed outside at the sight of pink and orange stretching across the sky. Then it hit me- even though I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do, if God gives me beautiful sunsets on a regular basis just because he knows how they speak to my heart, than certainly, he has a destination for me. I can't see it today, but I can see his beauty- that will have to be enough for this day.

To top it off, my dad sent this following quote to me at the end of last week (and I must say, he had no idea that these were the thoughts running through my head):

Augustine of Hippo; who when viewing a sunset in Africa long, long ago said,

"If these are the pleasures afforded sinful men, what does God have in store for those whose hearts are his?"

Let's go God. Bring it on, future.