i see it in the sky

For the past week and a half I've been praying for God to give me his eyes to see what the future holds. Looking towards May, I feel like I'm being dropped by Baylor in the middle of a giant field at which point they're going to tell me "go."

Go where?

Do what?

That's up to me to figure out.
So, I've been praying. And not that I expected a James Earl Jonesish voice to call out while I walk to class but, I have to admit that I've kind of been nothing but frustrated. It may not be true, but it feels like everywhere around me, people's plans for the ever after beyond graduation are beginning to take form. And then there's me.

In the middle of the field.

Unsure and uncomfortable.

Yesterday when I woke up, the new familiar feeling of frustration was still there, but while getting ready I realized something. If you know much about me, you probably know that I love sunsets. I gawk at them, coo about them, and probably drive people crazy with my pictures. Nonetheless, they are a way that God speaks to me and shows me a glimpse of his true beauty.

What I realized yesterday morning was that for the past week, Waco has experienced a series of incredible sunsets. Every night, wherever I've been, I've rushed outside at the sight of pink and orange stretching across the sky. Then it hit me- even though I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do, if God gives me beautiful sunsets on a regular basis just because he knows how they speak to my heart, than certainly, he has a destination for me. I can't see it today, but I can see his beauty- that will have to be enough for this day.

To top it off, my dad sent this following quote to me at the end of last week (and I must say, he had no idea that these were the thoughts running through my head):

Augustine of Hippo; who when viewing a sunset in Africa long, long ago said,
"If these are the pleasures afforded sinful men, what does God have in store for those whose hearts are his?"

Let's go God. Bring it on, future.


Celebrating Fall.

Fall is here and I hope it decides to stay.

The coolness in the air is so
fresh and refreshing that I keep searching for reasons to be outside. It makes me think of many the afternoons I spend raking leaves when I was little.

I can't wait for a night when roommates, neighbors, and friends can come over to try out the new fire pit. And the urge to run to HEB for a pumpkin is strong- I must resist until at least October!

Until then, here are a few of my favorites that I found with help from my friend Google...

Sic'em cute Baylor Pumpkin Bear!


Mercy: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender
according to dictionary.com

Yesterday, I was stressed and overwhelmed. In an effort to have the courage to face the day, I made a plea to God for mercy for the day- I knew there was no way I could make it on my own.

An email at the right time.

A compassionate letter from a dear friend.

and a wall post so full of affirmation that it still makes my heart smile all came my way yesterday.

It's funny how when we give up, we get it.


AHHHH/ Happy List Today

I have to admit, this is the first day of the semester that I feel as if I might have a breakdown. A presentation tomorrow, a short story not even close to being written, and a test on Friday have me wanting to stay in bed all day and hide from the world. On top of that, let's add other homework, meetings everyday and the beginning of two hour Pigskin practices every night this week. Oh, and Caitlin, if you haven't forgotten, you're a senior and you have no idea what you're doing in eight months. You might want to get on that.
Yes, these are the thoughts in my head this morning as I try to keep it together. While I know I could be studying or writing my story right now, I want to talk to you, so here I am. I've made the bold decision that today, whatever I am doing, I'll be there in that moment. During Tri Delt meeting, I'll be there. At Pigskin practice, I'll be there. When meeting with my French conversation tutor, as terrifying as it might be, I'll be there too.

In an effort to make this morning a little brighter, I've made a list of all the things that make me happy today:
Parent's Weekend- some how, my family managed to never take a picture this weekend, but I am so thankful they came to visit. We had some sweet times of familyness- yes, today that is a word. Oh, and coffee is always on the happy list.

Flowers that are so lovely I smell them nearly every time I walk past.

Really awesome clouds and a new season of Baylor football of course.

Expressions of beauty.

A fabulous After Dark- I have so many gifted friends.

A new generation of Baylor Bears.

Laura featured on the football season tickets- this one is way up there on the happy list.


opening up

"You're the God that opens seas, every flower, even me. You're all I need."
While driving to class this morning this lyric of Bethany Dillon stuck with me.
Unless they have lived alone, under a rock for their entire life, every person has experienced some kind of wounding to their heart at some point. Whether it was a broken relationship, a broken heart, or a broken promise, sometimes, something causes people to sink back from others and the rest of the world. I know this, because I have personally experienced it. However and most thankfully, God calls to us, longing to restore these broken, wounded places. And little by little, if we allow him to, we will begin to open up again like a beautiful, blooming flower. We weren't created to fade into the background of our world- we were meant to touch others, make a difference, be ourselves. And the God who parted a sea to save a nation of people, will just as willingly save us by restoring our hearts. He is the edgeless God who is so eager to enter our tiny, confined world in order to show us who we truly are.


The Voices Inside My Head

Some days (quite a few recently) I don't feel much like a writer. Why did I ever think I could do this? In fact, to be honest there's a voice inside my head that mercilessly laughs at the idea that I could ever even think of becoming a writer. With what talent and what voice, it taunts. And even more, it wonders what I could possibly even have to say that would be worth listening to?

This semester, I'm in a creative writing class that makes me feel like I'm far out of my league. Every class, I sit and listen to the creativity and color my classmates have put down on paper and I feel like I have nothing to match that.

I should probably tell you about the other voice I hear. It's much quieter and calmer. It doesn't really draw attention to itself, it's just there- solid. I guess we could name this voice Faith. Faith, while it's quieter, it's also much stronger. Deeper. It that tells me what I know: that writing is what I'm suppose to do. So even though I feel like I'm constantly hitting my head against the wall in this class, I have to keep going, because I know writing is my thing. Faith tells me that sometime on some day, it's going to click and the words will come. The other voice tells me it won't be for a L-O-N-G time, so I tell it to shutup.
So for now, I'll keep trying because that's all I really can do. That, and keep an ear out for Faith.


My Life Would Suck Without You

This Sunday, several of my most favorite people and I traveled to Oklahoma to experience, yes, it is a complete experience, Kelly Clarkson in concert. AND did I mention that we sat in the 6th row? Yes, that has its perks.

Throughout the concert, I kept thinking how much I would have loved a picture of our group- we were an uncontainable group of screaming, singing, and dancing fools.

I absolutely loved every minute. And if you ask me, that's how life should always be: spent with your favorite people doing something recklessly wonderful.