Life gets tough Most of the time though, life gets hard because the world loves to pinch and poke at your heart, or even worse, whispers its sweet nothings into your ear and mind, which coincidentally happen to also be your strongest self-doubts and fears.
No one quite tells you how life is going to be after you graduate from college. Maybe they had a completely polar experience or they've forgotten their own, but I wasn't expecting all of this. I was under the impression that I had bought the package that included a life changing college experience that upon its conclusion, led swiftly and easily into a more grown-up, yet happy, satisfying, fulfilling life. Maybe my order got lost in all the paperwork, I don't know, but lately, I'm been experiencing my share of pinches, pokes, and whispers. I'm a failure. I will never leave my parents' house. I'm never going to become anything more than I am right now. Things are never going to change. On days that they're feeling particularly cruel, they laugh at me for thinking I could ever be a writer and that I have nothing to say and no one who wants to hear it.
Seriously, what is it with these pokes and pinches? In my heart of hearts, I know that things are going to change. I will move out and onto something- these things and so many others, God has shared with me since coming home. On a personal Caitlin to Jesus level, I feel that I've entered a new season of intimacy and dependency. It is sweet and good. I also love being home right now to hear the day to day, sometimes minute to minute developments in the coming of the 2010-2011 Optimist Year. My parents are entering a remarkable year of their lives and it makes me happy to watch them prepare to soar.
To borrow from Steven Curtis Chapman, God is God and I am (wo)man. I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. This I cling to every day, come doubt or dismay.