a conversation about worry

Ever feel paralyzed by nerves or fears? Last week, this visa process had me freaked out. I mean, beyond all reason, convinced I was headed for doom.

Me: I'm never going to get this visa.
Reason: Why would you think that?
Me: There's too much paperwork and nameless, faceless people handling it. I don't have any of the control. I can't even figure this website out. Hold on, I have to go to HOUSTON?
Reason: You didn't have control of your graduate school application and look how well that turned out. You still have twelve weeks and by the way, you like French people, that's why you're going to France. The people at the consulate won't be any different.
Me: Yeah, but...
Reason: But what? When are you going to get it that worry will do absolutely nothing? Except break you down and perhaps distract you from that fact that this whole thing (the visa, moving to France, life in general) is all about faith. Faith that God has it under control. Faith that the dreams you care for so deeply, are loved and known more by God than you. Newsflash: The fact that you can't see the entire process happen in front of your two eyes isn't a reason to freak out. Do what you have to do and then let go. Let go and wait on God.
Me: You're right. There's always going to be something I could worry over- two weeks ago it was getting into graduate school. This week it's getting the visa to go to graduate school. What will it be next? Right here, right now, I'm making a lifestyle choice: I'm defriending you, worry.
Reason: That's what I'm here for. Now stop your crying and get on with life. You've got a lot to do. Haven't you heard? You're moving to Paris in twelve weeks.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so proud of you!!! I'm glad I get to call you my daughter too!!